Christmas Aversion

I developed an aversion to Christmas many years ago, and I am trying to "get over it!" and start enjoying the fun, but am having a bit of a problem with that. I need to do this for Jim. I don't need to do it for me, because I can wallow in self pity with the best of them and find it very satisfying. He needs me to find joy in Christmas. Joy, joy, joy.

It all started the year my dad put switches (you know...sticks off of trees that people used to spank bad children with) in my stocking which hung on the fireplace...and there was nothing else to be found in the room. I was nine or ten.

Bad children received switches in their stockings, and the closer we got to Christmas every year we were reminded often that if we didn't behave we'd get switches in our stocking. I had been very good that year. So when I arose with anticipation on Christmas morning, and I walked into the living room and found switches in my stocking, I didn't find it funny at all....in fact, I sat down and bawled. Loudly! Today's child would have called CPS immediately.
Dad and Mom began to explain that it was a joke and they had actually prepared a huge treasure hunt for me, and they handed me my first clue. It turned out to be okay, but I never quite got over the initial shock of the moment, feeling really bad and unloved.

Next year my sister was born (she was a twin; the baby boy didn't live) and she and Mom came home from the hospital the day before Christmas. I wanted to hold that baby so badly. She was a healthy cutie pie. Instead I was made to wear a hospital mask around her and wasn't allowed to touch her for weeks. Mother's personality completely changed; she was no longer happy go-lucky and fun, and I don't remember a single Christmas after that until I married. Ten years of non Christmas!

My first marriage was strange. I tried to make the best of it all, but there was the Christmas that I kept asking the hubby to please take down the tree two weeks into January. He took the tree, ornaments and all and dumped it in the front yard. It was simply his way of saying "No."

I'm trying; I'm trying! Joy! Whee!